Tips for Writing Memories

by kdwyer | Jan 29, 2018 | General, Writing

Start Writing your Memories

In a previous post, I talked about the difference between memoir and biography. Whether you are writing biography or memoir, starting is the most important action to take.

The most important thing is not to wait.

Collect the memories before the rememberers are gone.

Time slips by quickly. As you have probably come to know, the opportunity to capture the details of what you know, or the memories of someone you love, can fall out of reach very easily.

That recipe you’d been meaning to ask about.
All the characters present, or not present, in that family photo.
What your great grandfather did for a living.

You don’t plan to lose them, but away they go.

Decide What Feels Right

I used to think of a memoir as being only in the well-known hand or type-written manuscript, or published book. However, you might try other medium for communicating your story.

Journaling – Writing memoir can enhance your regular journaling practice.

Memory Books – Your favorite memories written for someone in particular; perhaps a child, grandchild or sibling.

Legacy Letters – Addressing things you want those who survive you to know in a formal letter format. This isn’t a legally binding document but can be emotionally powerful and cathartic, nonetheless.

Audio – Audio memoirs are recorded in our own voice with an analog or digital recorder. After discovering an old recording of my parent’s voices after they had passed away, audio quickly became one of my favorite memoir formats.

Poetry – For example, Glenis Redmond teaches students how to write memoir poetry in her Peace Voices class. Glenis believes that reading, hearing, writing, and speaking poetry can be a healing medium.

Video – A powerful yet usually shorter version of telling memories than written forms; can be captured by either amateur or professional videographers.

Photo Exhibitions – photos paired with rich written context telling a personal story about an event, a person, family, or community.

Online database – A curated collection of stories from group members who may or may not have a relationship. Examples of these will be detailed in a future post.

Want to Try Your Hand at Memoir?

I’ve put together some prompts to use as monthly themes.

There are no rules, of course. No one will be grading you. Use any topic that inspires you!

If you’ve never done this before, keeping it simple and short will make it enjoyable.

4 Tips to keep in mind:

Once a month, set aside 30 minutes to write, or 10 minutes to record, your telling about a theme.
Write, or record, or both, until you’ve exhausted the topic.
Don’t be afraid to stray from the prompt. It’s perfectly fine to follow your white rabbit wherever the memory leads you.
Revisit your memoir pages or audio files a few months after you’ve written them. Has your perspective changed?

January – Tackling new challenges: Describe a time when you didn’t back down from something that frightened you.

February – To love and be loved: Describe an item that reminds you of a kindness you gave or was given to you.

March – Winds are blowing: Describe a “windy” time in your life, either figuratively or literally.

April – Showers before flowers: Describe a memory that involves water.

May – Spring dancing: Tell about a time when music affected you.

June – Roses are red: What funny or strong memories relate to a wedding or summer event?

July – Vacation fun: Describe a favorite vacation or travel memory as a child.

August – School days: Describe a memory about a teacher that influenced you.

September – Gifts of gold: What was a favorite present you received or gave?

October – Acting out: Describe a time when you acted as someone or something not yourself

November – The warmth of family: Tell a memory about a family tradition.

December – Light & Hope: What dreams do you have for the next year?

After trying out this exercise…Send me your comments using the box below:

Did you find writing on a theme enjoyable?

What medium(s) did you choose?

How did your perspective change?

Is a Memoir a Biography?

by kdwyer | Jan 9, 2018 | General, Writing

Hello, my story-happy friends!

In writing circles, a memoir, pronounced “Mem-wahr”, is a form of non-fiction writing.

Memoirs are narratives of someone’s personal experience. I rather like the vintage French roots of the word, defined as “something written to be kept in mind”. To me, that something to be “kept in mind” might be a perspective, an insight, an influence, or a way of coping with an event.

For instance, I was searching for memoirs about Gutzon Borglum, sculptor of the site known as Mount Rushmore. Historical facts of who, what, and when, loomed much larger than insights into his personal thoughts and influences. Those were all biographies.

People often mistake memoir with biography

If you wrote down the major plot points of your life, it would be a biography.

In theory, you could construct your biography from the scheduling pages of your calendars and planners over the years.

Like holiday letters from distant friends and relatives, they are quite often statements of places and events.

Example: “I grew up in a middle-class two-parent family. I graduated from a high school in Connecticut, earned an associate degree in Animal Science. I got married twice, had one child, went back to school, achieving a bachelor’s in Biology and started a company.”

That’s a biography. Everything in it is true, and although I summarized entire decades, it covers most of my life up to this point. Anyone could have written the above example for me; I didn’t add any of my own interpretation.

Memoir, on the other hand, includes personal feelings and insights that stayed with the memory of events.

Memoirs are like biographies in that they explore real-life. But, memoirs don’t necessarily span an entire lifetime. They may follow a specific theme or time frame and reveal a deeper exploration of memories.

The writing process often shakes out new insight about a memory. Stories recollected much later from when they originally took place are seen through a more experienced lens, often exposed to new light.

Writing memoir is about finding your emotional truth as much as factual truth.

The manner of truth rests in the eyes of the author. I’m not suggesting you can outright lie in your memoirs, but you can focus on the theme of your life, rather than the plot.

Readers of memoir are tempted to savor the story because it feels as if the writer is revealing what things should be “kept in mind”.

Example: “When I was four years old, we lived near a golf course of rolling green grassy hills. At dusk on the fourth of July, families claimed spots on the hilltops with lawn chairs or blankets to watch the night’s fireworks display. This year, before it got pitch dark, I was allowed to play with the deer statues that decorated the front of the clubhouse. I pet them as if they were real. I talked to them and climbed on them. When the grass turned cold and damp, my mother spread out one of our white cotton bedspreads and dad called for my sister and me to come lay on it with them. We lay our heads all the way back and looked up to watch the show in the sky. The ground shook beneath us when the “m80 – cherry bombs” exploded seemingly right over us, leaving black puffs of smoke floating slowly away. I grabbed my mother’s hand to feel safe but I was giggling with excitement. The smell of gunpowder wafted around us and I soon joined in exclaiming “oohs” and “aahs” with each burst of color and light. When the fireworks ended, I got to ride on my dad’s shoulders during the long walk back to our car. It was just about the best time ever.”

Let’s be honest, I’m probably getting all the details wrong.

I’ve reconstructed this old memory a hundred times over the years. Maybe it wasn’t a golf course. Maybe I wasn’t allowed to climb on the statues, or the bedspread was just an old blanket. Maybe I grabbed my dad’s hand, and not my mom’s. I have no idea.

Does that matter? Not really.

That’s how I remember it for some reason. It isn’t like a video captured on a phone or security camera. My mind thinks of that event as important and it filled in the gaps.

That’s the power of memoir.

Thinking and telling about it can teach us a lot about how we perceive the world. It lets us dive back into memories and come away with a fresh perspective.

How do YOU feel about memoir vs. biography? Do you have some favorites of either type to share?

An Imaginary Friend – How I got unstuck from “Writer’s Block”

by kdwyer | Nov 27, 2017 | Writing

Do you want to start saving some of your life stories, but don’t know where to begin?

After all, at this point on your timeline, there are a ton of events behind you. You might be asking, “Should I start writing from my first memory, my school days, or my first job?”

The good news: it doesn’t matter where you start.

Starting is the biggest step. You can always arrange your stories in the order of your choosing later.

Sometimes though, even the best-intentioned writers, get stuck getting the first words onto the page.

I found myself in that situation, commonly termed “writer’s block”, recently. Then I came across Henneke Duistermaat’s article, with a list of remedies. To my surprise, the first suggestion was:

Write a letter to an imaginary friend.

I was so intrigued by the idea. These days, I’m usually sending text or email. But I remembered that when I want to thank someone, I still send a handwritten card. So, I decided to spend a half hour with this “Imaginary Friend” exercise to see what happened.

It turns out that I didn’t really use an imaginary friend so much as a series of friend memories. Like friends and bicycles – if you remember to take them out once in a while, they will take you places almost anytime you like.

Soon I was on my way to where I was going. That is what words do for us, they get us to where we are going.

The ride I took in my letter was a smooth path of words that led me nicely from my past, back to the present, where I found the sweetest gratitude.

And where there is gratitude, there is always a story!

Are you beginning to write down your memories and unsure where to start?

I applaud you for taking the first step – Having Intention.

Try This letter-writing technique as your second step.

Sit down and casually write a letter to an imaginary friend.

It could start simply as thanking them for something or as if you were catching up after being out of touch for a while.
Was there a story you wanted to share?
Think about what makes your friend laugh or shake their head.
Start a conversation.
Imagine he (or she), reading your letter and what questions he would ask. Answer his questions.

Write for 15 minutes (of course, if you are on a roll, keep going). Include a bit of gratitude for good measure.

The letter I ended up writing is below. Afterward, I highlighted subject areas that I think I could expand on later. Totally unstuck!

—

Dear friends,

I’ve been missing you terribly.

Remember when we were in elementary school? We imagined our bicycles were horses and we made up names for them? We used to get on our bikes almost every summer day and ride around the neighborhood on the cracked-slate sidewalks. We had to make our steeds jump over the edges of the stone slabs up-heaved by roots of the sugar maples lining the road.

Remember when we were in college? We pedaled past giant trees and admired the grand mansions around Bryn Mawr? We talked easily about anything that came to mind…. our favorite music, our sore brains from studying. We’d say what we were hungry for, what our boyfriends were doing, what we thought the next big thing would be, or when the next party was scheduled. We knew we didn’t have much control over these things, and that made us laugh! And of course, when solicited, we would give each other advice on how to solve whatever problem was at hand.

Remember when I was a troubled adult? We rode our bicycles together, with our toddlers in plastic seats behind us. We glided along trails next to splashing streams and under sunset skies of orange and blue.

Remember when you took me into your home when I had no place to go? You hired me. You were my companion as I rediscovered my strength. You listened. You comforted me with love.

Friendships are precious to me because my family moved around so many times when I was young. I learned to make friends in the new places, but moving away, again and again, made it difficult to develop lasting connections. I don’t have many longtime friends, but those I have are fiercely strong.

My sister, “Kay”, was one the truest friends I’ve ever had. Even though she was much older than I, and we hadn’t lived under the same roof since I was 6 years old, we overcame this limitation by connecting often by telephone, occasional visits, and writing each other letters. Kay knew what deep listening was, and she practiced it whenever we talked. It was the greatest feeling in the world to feel heard like that. We talked and laughed a lot about the funny things in life. Kay never tried even once to change me or sway me to any point of view. She always listened and responded with loving words, no matter the topic or problem I shared. As an adult, my relationship with Kay allowed me to be very close to her husband and children too, so my family felt bigger than those under my roof.

When Kay died before me, it left a big hole in my heart. After her death, I tried to get closer to my mom. We had always gotten along, but to me, my mom seemed too distracted by her own journey, and it prevented her from hearing mine. We were as close as we could be, but I wanted it to be better.

Using Kay’s example, I decided to become a good listener. I was able to get closer to my mom than ever before. It was amazing how much more I understood my mom’s personality. This became especially helpful during mom’s 13 years with Alzheimer’s Disease. I was able to connect with her more deeply she responded by letting me in on her fears and struggles. I am very thankful that I was able to help her feel that she was heard.

Listening was helpful to me, too. It helped in prioritizing my time and deciding how I could best help with the circumstances. I decided to spend most of my parent’s last years with them, rather than being involved in other pursuits.

Writing to you in this way has allowed me to pinpoint more than before, that my sister’s love is still with me, even though her body is not. I am comforted knowing that I am passing on her method of listening with love. I won’t forget the good things that have been passed down to me. Being able to listen with love was a major factor in my decision to become a Personal Historian. I get to listen to the heart song of others and help them share their own positive stories. In the process, they discover the gratitude that they want to pass forward.

Well, friends, I hope we will make time to have some fun together soon. I’ll be standing by my kickstand anytime you’re ready to ride!

All my best,

Kit

—

Let me know what you think about the “Imaginary Friend” technique, my letter, or anything else you find helpful in your writing, by commenting below or sending me a note.

Happy writing!

Extraordinary Influence

by kdwyer | Mar 5, 2017 | General, Writing

Have you lost, or lost touch with, someone who was an extraordinary influence on your life?

How do you hold onto that influence, long after they’re gone? Writing and speaking your thoughts about that person can bring them back into a view for you.

The following little piece was originally written just for my own reflection. I am sharing it with you now, in hopes it may inspire you to capture the qualities of the strong influencers in your life.

My Extraordinary Dad

My Dad was Extraordinary

“ Even though I saw him doing only ordinary things, the ‘extra’ of my dad’s ordinary life was the care given his family and of living his life with integrity.

He was a very humble man, so I never heard directly about any accomplishments outside our family. I have always regretted not being able to interview some of his early friends and colleagues so that I could have understood more about his hidden deeds.

What makes a person extraordinary, though, is not always larger-than-life deeds. To me, extraordinary living is having a strong vision, where you hold fast to your dreams in the face of uncertainty. It is being calm in the storm, seeing the good along with the bad, taking notice and sharing your notice, of small blessings along the path you have chosen.

My dad was a teacher/storyteller to me. His perspective influenced the way I react to things in my life. A voracious reader, he knew a little about a lot of things. He delighted in repeating a joke, explaining how a process worked, and especially clarifying the importance of honesty. When I would ask him how he knew about so many things, he would say, “Well, I read, and I read a lot!” True to his explanation, most evenings one could find him reading newspapers and books.

Coming from a household of 11, where having anything of your very own was scarce. He often considered something a luxury that might be considered trivial by another. Because his family was always “making do” with what was available, when he moved away from home, he remembered relishing the opportunity to eat a whole chocolate candy bar without sharing it.

I think my dad learned early on that there is exquisiteness in the natural world. His most memorable stories included accentuated descriptions using whichever of our senses allow us to experience those wonders. I hardly remember a private family time when he didn’t express how he appreciated the world around him – how good the air smelled, why the stars twinkled, how soil sustained, tastes elated, cold penetrated, flowers surprised, birds mesmerized, or the sea awed.

I was being taught to notice and have gratitude for small successes in life. He told stories like: when we taste a new food, it is a gift to our noses, and to all the thousands of tiny taste buds on our tongues, sending signals to our brains; or he would say: see that light from the stars? It has traveled billions of miles through space, in a straight line, to reach our eyes! His storytelling body language was intriguing too. When he told stories, it was with a slight whisper of excitement, making you want to lean in to grab the best morsel of a shared secret!

I would say my father was also a sensitive man, for the stories did not stop at the wonders of nature. I remember stories with themes like the human heart, emotion, and drive; patriotism exacerbated by war; the downfall caused by greed; the heroism of service; loyalty of a dog; love for another.

At times, his eyes held back tears – maybe not from heartfelt wonder or love, but rather, an unspoken sadness. In the end, I wasn’t sure if they were tears of hopelessness; as if deeply troubled, unwilling or unable to share his deepest fears, or take solace in the abundance in his midst.

May you rest in peace, my steadfast hero, loyal provider, stayer-of-the-course. I am so fortunate to have been taught by you how to appreciate the world, feel love, and to walk with head high.” (Kit Dwyer, 2010)

Treasured Memories

I treasure the memories of many people who have influenced my life. Writing about them memorializes my version their story, unlike the stories that anyone else knows.

Have you saved a story about an extraordinary influencer in your life?

Watch your Pot

by kdwyer | Aug 19, 2016 | General, Writing

Hello Readers! This post is about writers and exploring how we concentrate on our work. They say “a watched pot never boils”; but I find it will boil if you go write something while you are waiting. Or for that matter, an unwatched pot will surely boil over! Especially if you felt so confident that you returned to the writing surface while waiting. You might find when you return your attention again to the pot, that its content has been boiling freely for the minutes you intended to be closer to eating dinner than you actually are.

Trying to do too many things at one time, or at least in-the-same-day has the opposite effect of efficiency or great accomplishment. Tackling a to-do list sequentially would be fine, but where I get into trouble is attempting the multi-tasking bit. There is much left to be desired in the outcome when attention is split. It might even mean things get checked off the list, but at what cost? Have tasks actually taken longer because the desired result is missed?

It might be OK to do some cooking or walking while listening to an audio book or music. But while watching a movie while simultaneously cooking, or writing, your attention is unable to hold onto the details in either the movie or the task, resulting in a less than satisfying “well-done” feeling. At least this is the case if it’s a ‘good’ movie or one you’ve never seen before. Your simultaneous activity may be intended to be pleasurable, and not just an exercise in calorie burning!

Practicing to focus attention on one thing at a time is a discipline that improves other skills as well – the quality of your listening and your patience are increased. What skills do you fine-tune by focusing your attention on just one thing at a time? Please send me your comments and experiences.